Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
