i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
