Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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