I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
