So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
