first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
