Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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