I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
