Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
where are my eyebrows?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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