Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
