Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
