guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
