Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
