i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
