she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
