So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
