How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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