My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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