How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
