I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
