What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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