I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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