u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
