She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She bit a glass in half.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
BRING THE BAGELS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
