im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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