What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
