this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
