just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
