Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
