I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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