I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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