All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
