pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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