Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never joke about your clitoris.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
