I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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