My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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