Pappa wants mamma naked
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
