WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
