I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
