"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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