Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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