How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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