Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
