I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
