Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
