Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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