I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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