i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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