lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
