Christians are straight up FREAKS
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
