What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
